As many of you know, my co-author, Kyle, has been doing weekly interviews with fellow authors where he asks them all kinds of odd questions instead of the same ol’ same ol’ interview stuff. I was one of his first victims and I had a blast, but still wanted a bit of payback for some of the nastier questions he asked me. Kyle, being the good sport that he is, agreed to sit down for my own version of his bizarre interviews.
Without further ado, here’s how it went:
Hey Kyle! Thanks for being a good sport and taking it as well as you dish it. I’ll try to do your weird interviews justice. So what do you write? I know this, but for the sake of people new to you and all that.
What are you thinking right now?
Not surprised, considering Teabreeze. If you were to join a cult, what would the basic criteria need to be? I need to know for… reasons.
The next big food craze is a creamy white soup called “Baboon Cum”. Everyone who tries it absolutely loves it, but the chef will not disclose his secret recipe. Do you give it a shot?
Follow up: Want to come to my next dinner party? I have this really great soup I want you to try.
You’ll be the first to know, if I do. Wouldn’t dealing with a ton of women and all our emotions and feelings be kind of taxing for one guy? Or are you up for that challenge?
Wouldn’t all your kids be banging each other in the next generation, though? I feel like there should be at least one other dude for the sake of genetics.
Fair enough. We shall call it The Order of the MILF. Unless you’ve got one better?
Sorted. Next question. Political beliefs aside, would you rather bang Trump or HRC? (P.S. Payback is a bitch, mothafucka)
Can’t argue with that. Now that that’s settled, have you ever hurt or embarrassed yourself during a self-love sesh? (Yeah, I used “sesh” to add to the cringe of this question.)
No embarrassing walk-ins? Good for you, man!
True. Inconsiderate bastards! So, I’m still thinking about that episode of Catfish where the guy was convinced he was in an online relationship with Katy Perry, (Those who haven’t seen it – DVR that shit. It’s insane!) Anyway, if you were to catfish, what celebrity would you pretend to be?
There are two leads in Supernatural. Right or left? This data should be accurate for science.
Alright, alright, I can dig it. Speaking of interesting duos… Why do you write with me so much? Are you hoping for nudes, or…?
Aww thanks! Noted. I have yet to figure out how to take a flattering photo of an asshole, but a girl can dream. Now that my ego is appropriately stroked… Would you go gay for any of the male characters you have written? If so, who?
Nice, I could go for some Thorin so I totally get it. Speaking of, is another Reddened Wasteland coming out or are you just fucking with us?
Sorry, this is not weird. I’m drifting into real questions. Ew.
Would you rather lose one ball or grow an extra?
Extra ball. Same answer?
Would you allow a superfan to buy your preserved extra ball on ebay? What would be a reasonable price, you think?
Which of your fans would be the most likely to buy your preserved ball on ebay?
Well now you have Secret Santa ideas for when Christmas rolls around in your fan group. You’re welcome. Next question: If you were to have an exotic animal ranch, what would you raise?
Right on. Yeah, plus whalesharks are boring and wolves are all majestic and shit. Alright, I think we will end this with a… *drumroll* RAPID FIRE WOULD YOU RATHER FINALE!!!
Would you rather wear someone else’s dirty underwear or use their toothbrush?
Eat chocolate pudding that tastes like shit, or shit that tastes like chocolate pudding?
Swim 300 meters through shit or dead bodies?
You’ll like this next one: Would you rather experience the beginning of planet earth or the end of planet earth?
Be the funniest person in the room, or the most intelligent?
Not always, I’ve known plenty of unfunny smart people.
FOLLOW THE RULES, KYLE! WOULD YOU RATHER. NOT DEBATE. Rapid fire would you rather is ruined. I hope you’re proud of yourself, you trailblazer. 😉
Well, thanks for enduring my weird interview! Anything you want to plug before we shut this baby down?
Kyle’s next book comes out Sept. 15th!!! You can Pre-Order on Amazon!
Here’s the ThunderClap campaign for Teabreeze to help spread the word on release day!
Thanks for reading! Later y’all!